Last year’s controversial film “The Passion of the Christ” was wildly successful, in part thanks to Christians who flocked to the Mel Gibson film in droves. Now that we’ve seen how successful a Christian film can be, it’s high time to milk this phenomenon for all its worth.

It’s time for a sequel.

Yeah, yeah. I know the main character dies and everything. But I think we could still pull it off.

If you remember, at the end of “The Passion”, the main character asked for the forgiveness of the people who were killing him. We can work with this.

I envision a new movie (cue cheesy music) “The Return of the Christ” (end cheesy music) something like this:

The main character, fresh from his bloody death in the original, would come back from the dead by divine will to save the lives of his very killers. I think it really gets at the whole “forgive them father” thing that they started in the first part of the “of the Christ” series.

Of course you can see we’re not going with realistic here. Obviously something like that would take some kind of… some kind of miracle in real life.

But movie magic can give us talking fish—I think Hollywood could just about pull it off.

And once we have him alive again, we could just go so many ways with it. We could have his family and friends find the tomb empty, for instance. They would, like, totally freak out… great for the soap opera demographic.

Or maybe we could have him try to catch up with those followers of his. Just imagine the plot twists we could add in—like maybe if one of the followers didn’t believe he’d come back, and this Jesus character had to convince him. That would be just perfect; nobody would even see it coming!

All sorts of amazing things. And then at the end, once he had saved the world, he could fly off into the heavens to be reunited with his father. It’s just a perfect Hollywood ending.

Of course, we’d still have to deal with the believability issue. I mean, obviously something like this would never actually happen...

...wait…what’s that you say?

It did happen?

Well whadayaknow…

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